Tonight I made the mistake of getting out my box of stuff that has everything from Ben and I's relationship in it, thinking I have moved on enough to look through it without ending up a teary-eyed mess. Was I ever wrong. It has just left me more confused about how things could go from being so perfect to being so heartbreaking. In the letters he wrote me from basic it is sooo cute how crazy he was about me. Even with all he had to do he found time to write me letters almost every day, and in them he would tell me how happy I make him and how much he needed me, and if I would let him he would make me the happiest girl ever. And now I am sitting here mouth open in shock trying to figure out what the hell happened. We use to have so much fun together. And yeah we were only together for 2 months before he left, but thats long enough to know if you love someone. And he did know, it is just like since we aren't together he has forgot. Not even forgot- he says he still loves me- its like he has just quit trying because it is hard. That leaves me feeling completely worthless-like I'm not worth trying for. Part of me hates him so much for making all of those promises to me, giving me a fucking promise ring, making me fall in love with him, and then taking it all away and freaking ripping my heart out. But there is this other part of me that is still holding on. I have never ever been so fucking happy as I was when we were together. You know how you have that image of the perfect person in your head? That was him for me- completely. He was someone I could laugh with, someone I could wake up in the morning with and not worry about how I looked, someone I could spoil and take care of and know he would do the same for me. He was seriously the world to me, the one person that meant so much more to me than anyone else. So now I am having a pity party. I seriously am not usually this depressive, I guess it has just been a hard night. I do go out and have fun, but it is always kind of in the back of my mind, you know? And it is sooo frustrating cause I have gone out with some really cool guys that I might normally seriously be into. But they aren't Ben, and right now I want Ben. I know I will get past that someday, but it just sucks for now.